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The detection of HIV was for many years my money maker. Having spent 2 years as a pre-med student my education on HIV and it's effect on the body was basic but deep seated. Leveraging everything I organized a healthcare company devoted to providing ancillary care and HIV testing to those in need. Spending sometimes 80 hours a week working to screen patients for third party investors I worked tirelessly in hopes of making a difference. The irony of this story is that I lived with a severely crippling fear of the disease. Each morning I took a double dose of denial, looking past the obvious foreshadowing events and burying myself in my own corporate objectives. Secretly I was fighting a battle and the war had just begun. The very disease that had helped to make me a successful entrepreneur was beginning to undermine my ability to propagate healthy social interactions on any level. Have you ever heard of "The self-fulfilling prophecy"? Four years ago my fear became reality. My experience was earth shattering and I was certain that my life was over. Having worked in the healthcare arena for nearly 10 years I contacted my good friend for a consult. She immediately started me on a cocktail regimen that by her own admonition would not be easy. |
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Night terrors, headaches, skin rashes, tactile hallucinations, diarrhea, vomiting, blurred vision, night sweats, depression, anxiety! Now I was sick! Having never reported any symptoms (short of a 3 week "flu") I was confused as to how these medications were helping me. My family and friends began to worry as I hadn't left my house at this point in 15 days, something had to give. Death, Death, Death: Everywhere I looked and HIV diagnosis meant death and that self fulfilling prophecy was sure to rear it's ugly head once again. My very good friend and confidant offered me a trip to Boston in hopes of getting through to me. Earlier I had received a book in the mail about HIV but was too afraid to read it. This unwitting "vacation" was the turning point for me and a plane ride that I will never forget. As participants in this culture we are "programmed" to some degree on different planes for different causes. Not necessarily premeditated programming but as a result of the natural progression of our culture. We are creatures of habit and also of convenience. If something works for one person then we generally and naturally assume that it will work for us. If we feel a headache then we are "programmed" that an aspirin will make it go away. If your stomach is upset, take something to make it stop. This site is devoted to those who want to break out of this programming and become active in their own life cycle. It is devoted to those who want to make a difference, not for others but for yourself! In this life cycle I learned a very hard lesson: You cannot make a difference to those around you unless you first seek out what makes you happy, healthy and enlightened. Only then can you contribute successfully to other life cycles around you. We have been "programmed" that HIV= AIDS = Death. Well I am here to remind you that this formula does not apply to everyone. Seek out your own healing, your own fullness and celebrate the thousands upon thousands of people that you don't see portrayed in movies. Those that are not singled out on the local news channels. Celebrate those that successfully live full, happy lives. Those that live everyday with HIV and are healthy and "program" free. Those that have sought to take charge of their bodies and seek out alternative remedies and have in the process found a quality of life that otherwise would never have been realized. |
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